Every time I sit down to write I get stuck. It’s spring. It’s snowing. I was gone all winter. It was really weird and cool and I did neat stuff that I’ll tell you all about. Later. After all that business of winter, which was hard work, we ran off to the end of the earth, to Anegada in the British Virgin Islands together. With nothing between me and Africa but sea, I read a book. A real book. I haven’t read a real book in ages. Always blogs, cookbooks, snippets and bits. Here and there. Because I won’t give myself the time to read a book, which is something I very much love to do. But I just sat on the beach beneath a straw hat and read Gabrielle Hamilton’s Blood, Bones, and Butter. It was grand, and we ate grilled spiny lobster, fresh out of the sea with a machete to it’s head, every. single. night. We kept a room at the little Anegada Reef Hotel, and every morning we walked down the beach to Pam’s Bakery and ate fresh baked cinnamon rolls with free coffee by the hyaline water. And during the day we ate local fish with tons of bones in creole sauce and largely subsisted off of conch fritters and virgin frozen drinks, Piña Coladas and Daiquiris and banana coconut drinks with lots and lots of fresh nutmeg. I put hot sauce on whatever I could & tied the stems of maraschino cherries into knots with my tongue in a very non-sensual absent minded way.
He wore slacks and a blazer on the beach, beneath an umbrella always, reading Romantic poetry and Carl Jung. Essentially he did what he always does but with more sand and water around him and me so very happy. He tried to swim once. It was endearingly funny in a tragic way as he stumbled out of breath on the dead coral heads. He can swim fine, but still he’s like a fish out of water but the opposite of that. Part of why we’re going to Ireland (we’re going to Ireland in May) is because I feel I owe him a drabber climate after he so graciously went to the beach with me which is, I assure you, not his element. We smeared SPF 110 on each other every morning, and went to bed early every night.
Our days were spent at Loblolly Bay watching the waves crash in furious monotony on the reef for nothing. We got coconut pie at Dotsy’s Bakery in the settlement, and I took hundred of photos of everything everywhere. We sat up nights talking to Bozo, a local fisherman & engineer extraordinaire, about the right way to clean intestines for cooking and secret shipwrecks while the mast lights bobbed in the bay, and we rode in the back of the taxi driver Courtney’s truck to pick up his son from school in the afternoon. The next morning he took us past the spindly “garbage cows” (as the local calls them) gnawing on the shrubs and past where the road ends and turns to sand (which is really every where and quite often) on the backroads, behind the salt ponds where the flamingos live. The Anegada air blowing in your face as the truck bumps heavily along the sand roads smells of sea and sulfur, of cow shit, fuel, and grilled lobster. It’s my favorite place on earth.
We came home. Work again. Only I felt stuck. Frozen. I could cook. I could snap photos. But I just couldn’t write. Can’t write. I think it’s because there is so much, so much to say. That I can’t say anything. I left this space on a strange note to leave a space on, a heavy note, but a hopeful one. I thank everyone, every single person for their comments, and I’m sorry I couldn’t respond to them all. I’m getting back on it now that I’ve returned to the internet realm. So I really don’t know what to say to you all. I worked hard all winter, and I came home. I went to the beach. We’re going to Ireland in May, and I turned the guest bedroom (which just really a repository for everything I didn’t know what to do with) into an office/studio, a real live room of my own to work and write in. I’m going to get plants. Cacti. Succulents. Hearty things that don’t mind my neglect. I’m going to tape things I like to the walls and throw out all the old wedding photos that have been nesting in here like spiders. It’s a sort of pale aqua room. I painted it that back in my early 20’s when a pale aqua room sounded like a good idea. I’m not really a fan of it, I’m a fan of white everything now, but then I think strange, strange things like “It would make a good nursery color”, and then I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. So I was away, then I went to the beach. I’m going to go to Ireland, and I have a room and sometimes I think vague disturbing things about having children because. Because I’m awfully happy and everything’s wildly wonderful even when we’re living off of nothing but flour, water, and yeast for a week because we maybe kind of spent everything on plane tickets. I’m not going to have babies, so no one freak out. But for the first time I think my brain and body have evaluated my situation in life as hospitable to new life forms. And that’s a great thing.
So. Hi! I’m back. If you haven’t seen it already and you’re in the mood for more food less beach (I wouldn’t blame you), check out my piece for Food52’s “Halfway to Dinner” feature, One Loaf of Bread, 6 1/2 Dinners. I’m very excited about it and still quite flattered that they asked me to in the first place. Also, since we’re currently broke due to what you’re staring at living off of bread is something we’re adept at. I’ve been cooking away these past few months (contrary to popular belief, my own included, things that aren’t on the internet are still real), and I made you some cookies (chocolate, salty, spicy cookies…) which I’ll share in the morning, and I even have pizza and some ugly tortellini and pretty Irish brown bread and a very 80’s looking salad I might share in the near future. Who knows! But tonight I’m sharing these photos, photos are of my vacation, like one of those slideshows someone would have done in the 80’s in their wood paneled basement after a dinner party. At least I think people did that. I don’t know. I was a baby eating crayons or something back then.
Welcome home. Welcome back. The slide show is lovely. I understand about frozen words. Maybe staring at your warm-sand pictures will unthaw mine. Happy to know you’re well.
Thank you! Being there really did help… now to translate that mental freedom back home… slowly but definitely surely.
Welcome back! I actually love the beach more than I love food (but food is always good). Your photos are beautiful!
Stunning, stunning photos. You just transported me from my desk for a few, blissful moments.
Incredible!
Breathtaking images! (You make me miss photography.) Welcome back. You’re going to love Ireland. It’s lush and unbelievably green and even when it’s raining, it’s not drab at all.
I am looking forward to the greenery…I am certain it will be anything but drab…but not quite as abrasively tropical for my dear, bookish one.
Anegada is such a magical place… I went there a few years ago and from the grape trees on the beach to the “Big Bamboo” this place is beyond compare.. Glad you enjoyed your time there.
I’ve been going there with my family for years and years on sailing trips but only for a day. Whenever I’m stressed I would imagine myself there. So, in a moment of stress I decided it would be best to sit there for a week. It really is. It’s a very real place, not a resort, and that’s what I love about it. I know people that love it too are like minded.
Yea, welcome back! Beautiful photos; I find them inspiring.
It’s funny, I used to want everything bursting with color in my teens and early 20s. I hated white. I wanted to see anything white filled. It felt blank and institutional and bland and empty and lots of other negative words. And now I find myself always searching for the perfect white sheets and the perfect white duvet because I’m so tired of too many bright colors on my bed. I replaced my bright faux-Fiestaware with some black and white dishes that I almost regret buying because they aren’t pure white. I don’t know when I started feeling frustrated by busyness and craving neutral tones but it makes me feel older.
Exactly! I have a green bedroom, a rusty orange dining room, and aqua guest bedroom come office. I want to paint it all white. But most especially the dining room. The orange is driving me maaad. I’m more into texture than color now. I like color accents, but I don’t want my room to be dominated by the walls. Besides white = insta background for my photos. Not so much the orange really.
your pictures are absolutely stunning. I love how you use light & shadows. Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful pictures, what a grand vacation! But I loved the words most of all. You’re a great writer, I always completely understand what you mean even if it’s something I haven’t done or experienced before. Looking forward to more posts 🙂
Thank you Eva, it’s really good to hear people like the writing. Every single time.. I need to hear it! It really is the hardest of all.
i love your blog. your recipes are great, your photographs beautiful and your writing – like a letter from a good friend. thank you.
Thank you. I think I’ll keep that in mind when I’m stuck, to write like a letter to a good friend.
Real talk, Beth? I almost can’t believe places this beautiful exist. What a wonderful gift to escape to one for a while, and to return here and tell us about it. Lovely photos, lovely words. Welcome back.
It really was such a gift and worth every penny we don’t have now. I’m one who goes in for experiences more than things, so I don’t mind scrounging for a few months to get away… as we’re doing again to head off in May. Thank you for your kind words… I can’t wait to share more travels in the future as well as read about the travels of others!
Stunning photos – simply took my breath away! Dreaming about a vacation to the British Virgin Islands now.. thanks for sharing!!
So beautiful! You capture small details so wonderfully. I love them all.
And, as always, your words form perfect sentences.
I’m glad you’re back. xo
Yay sentences! Sometimes… I worry about my ability to form those. It really has been a winter packed with madness….it kind of bottle necks at the keyboard. But I figured. Just say “hi. i did stuff. and here are some cookies, y’all.” : )
you blog is simply the best. Love how you used this line to describe your being ready to have children: “hospitable to new life forms.” Major lulz.
Haha. It really is how I think about it. My former life was an uninhabitable planet…now I think it can support carbon based life forms! We’ll see if I keep my plants alive this summer though…
Holy smokes! STUNNING! (A wonderful reason to be broke… IMO) And I agree with the commenter Kim above, coming here is like hearing from old friends from college and I love it.
Beth, I just read your Food52 post. I just made this bread, but now I want to make the bread pudding. Jacques Pépin said if his dad ever had to toss out bread, he would bless it then kiss it. I now try to use it in all the ways you have except the breading pudding – so thanks for one more recipe.
I seriously can not love this – the words and photos – enough. Here’s hoping our paths cross on another equally sublime slice of Caribbean beach heaven soon.
wow!! such a lovely visual journey!! thanks for sharing with all of us 🙂
Hi, I am happy you’re back. I really love your blog and missed your delicious photos and your intelligent writing. I really love to come here and have a look at your blog.
Danke, dass du wieder da bist (“Thanks for beeing back” in English), Anja from Germany
I hope you never doubt your writing ability again. I found your blog after following you on Pinterest. I’m a novice in the kitchen and found myself thinking, “I wish she’d write about something besides food—She’s such a lovely writer…” Now I visit the blog almost solely for the writing although I love the photos too. Who knows maybe one of these days I’ll even try out a recipe.;) Anyway, keep writing please– you have a beautiful way with words.
Your trip looks grand, Beth. I had to google the British Virgin Islands to know where they are, and now I’d like to go visit. Funny enough, after our little twitter exchange about Nashville, I found myself there for a day at the end of a road trip. Had I known we’d be there, I would have let you know! I loved Tennessee—the friendly people and the red dirt—I think it’s Oklahoma’s sister state. I felt at home there.
Hello, glad you enjoyed Anegada (and from the looks of it, the Fat Virgin as well). I live on Tortola (the Land of the Turtle Doves) and just came across your blog which Google Links sent me. Like others above have said, your pics are awesome and a read of your blog really puts the reader on Anegada, with “smells of sea and sulfur, of cow shit, fuel, and grilled lobster”. Just imagine how much more awesome your blog would be if one day, soon, you could also write about little baby feet making tracks in the Anegada sand. Food for thought. Anyways, I’m off to check out your recipes.
What gorgeous photos! I went to the BVI a few years back and it was one of the most- no, THE most magical place I’ve ever been. Your photos make me miss that way of life. Hopefully I can make a trip back soon. Glad to see you back on the interwebs.
you, with your wonderful and words and images that seem to effortlessly ooze beauty, kept me away from MY good book this saturday morning.and i must say, i don´t regret it one bit.
Those pictures are breath taking!!! Miss seeing the both of you guys.
We’re around! Hope you’re doing well xo
If all my thoughts, trips, and blogs came out as grand as the words flow from you onto this little space of yours, well, it would be incredible. As well, your images are a great representation of your stories and thoughts and feelings. I’m obsessed. Hope you don’t mind.
I hope you don’t mind my going through your old posts. I adore your wit and writing style, as well as your photography (I have yet to try your recipes but I’m pretty sure I’ll enjoy the finished products as well), and I suppose it’s safe to say that I may be a tiny bit in love with you. I’m so grateful for having stumbled upon this blog, you have no idea :))
When I was trailing the words, I swear I could imagine you as Helen Mirren wrapped in the classy blog design. I enjoyed the pics, simple yet you can feel the sensuality of the small slices of heaven. Some are even in the point that they feel like they came from a wedding production. Also, I love what you’ve done with the Baths, very unique.
Hahaha…I had to google Helen Mirren! Thank you for the very kind words about my work… and who knows… maybe I will put on a wedding one fine day!
I love all of this so, so much. It’s all beautiful.
Oh what a beautiful world you give us, Ce..lia…icthank you for coming over to see my sister in law's work….she has YOUR touch of white. And may you have a beautiful weekend in the land of fairytales and castles…..Anita